(mis)Interpreting the State of the Union Address (Part IV)

The State of the Union given by President Oprama Weds. Jan. 27, 2010
What they said	What I heard
Now, the true engine of job creation in this country will always be America’s businesses. But government can create the conditions necessary for businesses to expand and hire more workers.	You can also blame the businesses that don't go out 'n' create more jobs. I can try 'n' make it easier fer them to expand, but, if they don't, that's their fault, not mine.
We should start where most new jobs do — in small businesses, companies that begin when an entrepreneur takes a chance on a dream or a worker decides it’s time she became her own boss.	Now I'll say some nice things 'bout small businesses 'cause that's what we Democrats want ya'll to think we care 'bout - the small business, not big business like the Republicans do.
Through sheer grit and determination, these companies have weathered the recession and are ready to grow. But when you talk to small business owners in places like Allentown, Pa., or Elyria, Ohio, you find out that even though banks on Wall Street are lending again, they are mostly lending to bigger companies. But financing remains difficult for small business owners across the country.	They's a stubborn bunch, like reg'lar Americans, so we'll blame the greedy banks fer any failures the small business owners are encountering.
So tonight, I’m proposing that we take $30 billion of the money Wall Street banks have repaid and use it to help community bank sgive small businesses the credit they need to stay afloat. I am also proposing a new small business tax credit — one that will go to over 1 million small businesses who hire new workers or raise wages. While we’re at it, let’s also eliminate all capital gains taxes on small business investment and provide a tax incentive for all businesses, large and small, to invest in new plants and equipment.	So I'm going to propose we take some o' the ransom money we got back from the big banks 'n' give it to the smaller banks 'n' make them responsible fer giving it to the small businesses. I may not be acting like a tax-'n'-spend liberal, but I can still act like a take-from-the-rich-'n'-give-to-the-poor liberal. I'm also going to propose even more tax cuts fer new small businesses. I won't just propose more tax cuts, though. I'll even propose we eliminate some taxes fer all businesses, large 'n' small. That should get big business on my side a little bit. That's right - even fewer taxes. That'll make you like me better.
Next, we can put Americans to work today building the infrastructure of tomorrow. From the first railroads to the interstate highway system, our nation has always been built to compete. There’s no reason Europe or China should have the fastest trains or the new factories that manufacture clean energy products.	Next, let's talk 'bout doing what worked fer Roosevelt, 'cause I want ya'll to think o' me as the same kind o' great leader he was. Then I'll th'ow in some stuff 'bout how America is the greatest country on earth 'n' shouldn't be taking no back seat to the commies in China when it comes to things like faster trains 'n' new factories.
Tomorrow, I’ll visit Tampa, Fla., where workers will soon break ground on a new high-speed railroad funded by the Recovery Act.There are projects like that all across this country that will create jobs and help our nation move goods, services and information. We should put more Americans to work building clean energy facilities and give rebates to Americans who make their homes more energy efficient, which supports clean energy jobs. And to encourage these and other businesses to stay within our borders, it’s time to finally slash the tax breaks for companies that ship our jobs overseas and give those tax breaks to companies that create jobs in the United States of America.	Tomorrow, I'm going down to Tampa, Florida, to take credit fer my Recovery Act being responsible fer them being able to start working on building a new high-speed railroad. Now, I'll tap into your fears 'bout all that global warming nonsense 'n' high gas prices to tell you we need to do more towards clean energy 'n' energy efficiency. I'll also tap into your fears 'bout sending all our jobs overseas to try 'n' get your support fer helping me take even more money from the rich companies 'n' giving it to the poorer ones.
The House has passed a jobs bill that includes some of these steps. As the first order of business this year, I urge the Senate to do the same. People are out of work. They are hurting. They need our help. And I want a jobs bill on my desk without delay.	The House has already passed a bill that will include some o' these things. First thing this yearm I'm going to tell the Senate they need to do the same thing, 'n' I want 'em to do it now. If they don't, then all those folks who are out o' work, hurting, 'n' need help can blame them.
But the truth is, these steps still won’t make up for the 7 million jobs we’ve lost over the last two years. The only way to move to full employment is to lay a new foundation for long-term economic growth and finally address the problems that America’s families have confronted for years.	It ain't going to solve the problemm however. But least I can claim that it will be a start to changing things. 'N' if it ain't, well...I'll probably be out o' office by then 'n' we can claim it would o' worked if the folks who came after me hadn't mucked things up.
We cannot afford another so-called economic expansion like the one from last decade — what some call the lost decade — where jobs grew more slowly than during any prior expansion, where the income of the average American household declined while the cost of health care and tuition reached record highs, where prosperity was built on a housing bubble and financial speculation.	Just like we can claim the previous administration was responsible fer what I'll call slow job growth during the last decade. I'll even make a little play on words, changing last to lost fer a cheap laugh. I won't give you any actual numbers to back up that claim, 'cause then you'd have something to compare the number o' jobs that was created last year to, 'n' that might not look to good fer me. But it weren't just the previous administration to blame, neither. There was also the fact that the health care industry, higher education, 'n' realtors was overcharging folks just way too much money 'cause they knew there was enough folks stupid enough er desperate enough to pay those high prices that they could just keep on charging 'em.