Say Hello to the Next Eight Years

America woke up yeste'day morning 'n' breathed a huge sigh o' relief that the long, dark nightmare was finally over. I ain't talking 'bout the nightmare o' President Jr.'s stint in office. I ain't talking 'bout the nightmare o' the financial crisis. I ain't even talking 'bout the nightmare that we might have to put up with four more years o' Republican hi-jinks. I'm talking 'bout the year-long nightmare o' name calling, mud slinging, muck raking, back stabbing, dirty tricks, voting fraud, questionable financing, 'n' out 'n' out lying that makes American voting the greatest kind o' Democracy in the world.

That's right. We done went 'n' elected ourselves a new President. 'N' not just any new President at that. No sir. We went 'n' elected a President that is not only the first o' his kind in American history, but, quite possibly, the first o' his kind in the world. Yes, sir, we got us our very first Siamese twin fer President. You know who I'm talking 'bout: President-elect Oprahma - half female entertainer 'n' half male politician.

So, not only has he got to deal with the problems o' being the first-of-his-kind American President 'n' the problems with the economy facing him when he takes office 'n' the problems facing America abroad 'n' the problems o' dealing with terrorism 'n' drugs 'n' illegal immigration 'n' raising two young girls in the public spotlight 'n' trying to house train a new puppy without damaging anything in the Lincoln bedroom, now he has to figure out how to juggle running a media empire, hosting a top TV show, 'n' being the leader o' the free world, as well. Good thing he's got two heads 'n' four hands, 'cause he's gonna need all of 'em.

Now, I know y'all want to just sit back, take a deep breath, let the past year slide quietly into the history books, 'n' gather your strength over the next two months so you can start griping 'bout what a lousy job the new guys doing soon as he takes office, but I got one more bit o' campaign information to share with you. 'N' this ain't 'bout the campaign that just ended, but the one we get to look forward to in another three years er so. Don't worry, it'll be quick 'n' painless.
All I want to say is, let's just skip the whole thing next time 'round. I ain't no supporter of Oprahma's, but I predicted this result way back last year when I first heard he'd th'owed his hat into the ring. I said to myself at the time, "Well, there's your next President." 'N' I was right. In fact, I been right 'bout ever' President since Carter, when I first started paying attention to these kinds o' things. I may not know much 'bout "cultural shifts" er "pendulum swings" er even politics in general, but I can smell the next President coming at least three months 'fore the conventions even get under way.

So, take the hint from me 'n' don't even worry 'bout next time 'round just yet. We didn't just elect the President fer the next four years: we just elected the President fer the next eight years. That's right. I'm already predicting an Oprahma win in 2012. All he's got to do is live through the next four years, 'n', given American history, that may be the toughest job of all he'll have to face.